


we found love in a hopeless place

by poetkjh



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bad Boy Hwang Hyunjin, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, tbh hyunjin's hot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 22:51:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17068679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetkjh/pseuds/poetkjh
Summary: what happens when the school bad boy clashes his world with the world of a nerdy boy who happens to hate him?





	we found love in a hopeless place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This was an assignment for District 9 Secret Santa Fic Exchange that gave me a bit of trouble but I enjoyed writing it more than I thought I would. I'm sorry if this isn't what the person who gave me the assignment had in mind, but I hope they'll like it nevertheless. This was a fun ride and I'm glad I was a part of the fic exchange.  
> Special thanks to Adele, Debby and Tina for helping me out. <3

Hyunjin behaved as if the background music of his life was a rock song. He just didn’t care about anything. 

He had a couple of close friends who loved him and he wasn’t sure whether he liked them or spending time with them but if someone asked him, he’d say both.

Because lying was no problem for him.

He lied to his parents more often than not – telling them he’s going to sleep over at Changbin’s, when they really both just sat on a bench in the park and drank cheap vodka. It somehow slipped his mind to mention he’s going to get a (fairly visible) tattoo as soon as he turned eighteen. Oops.

Jisung went to class with Hyunjin, but they have never interacted. If you don’t count Jisung rolling his eyes whenever Hyunjin whispers a sex joke to Seungmin, the cute boy from class who’s there to learn, unlike many, and who does his best to ignore Hyunjin, which just makes Hyunjin want to tease him more. 

If you asked Jisung what he thought about Hyunjin, he’d say he doesn’t think about him. Which is valid, because why would anyone think about a boy who wastes his days drinking and smoking weed with his no-good friends?

The answer is – absolutely everyone else. Every single person has a crush on Hyunjin, and he is aware of that. He barely dates, but he likes everyone being in love with him.

It’s only a matter of time before he realizes one person from school isn’t.

 

 

Just like every other day, Hyunjin waltzed into school, wearing his leather jacket with biker patches. Except there was something different about him.

He had a lip ring.

The smirk on his face made it obvious he knows he’s hot as hell with the new addition to his already perfect face. His plump lips looked even more kissable – the little metal ring drove the entire school insane. They wanted to place the ring between their teeth and kiss the fuck out of the school bad boy, Hwang Hyunjin.

“Ugh”, Jisung sighed as he sat down next to Jeongin, his younger friend. “Why is Hyunjin always the conversation topic at this school? He could fart and everyone would be like “oh my GOD GUYS HYUNJIN FARTED LET ME KISS HIM!!” 

“And yet here you are, talking about him as well”, Jeongin smirked, looking over Jisung’s shoulder to catch a look at Hyunjin.

“I’m talking about him angrily, so it’s different. But why am I even complaining to you when you’re also head over heels for him?”

“I don’t understand how you’re not. Look at him…” The look in Jeongin’s eyes was disgusting. 

 

 

Jisung made the mistake of going to the toilet during recess. It slipped his mind that it’s reserved for Hyunjin and his weed-smoking gang. Changbin and that other boy. He keeps forgetting about him… Min-something. 

As soon as he opened the door, he was hit with that awful smell he’d recognize anywhere. He wanted to go back immediately, but he knew the boys saw him. 

And Han Jisung wasn’t a pussy.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”, he heard Changbin say.

“Oh, I’m sorry, are toilets not the place to pee anymore? Was I absent when they announced that to the entire school?”

“Stop being a smart ass”, Minho rolled his eyes, bringing the joint to his lips.

Jisung sighed. “I’m sorry, who are you again? I keep forgetting you exist.”

Hyunjin was just observing all this, with slight irritation shown on his face, but not reacting otherwise. Jisung didn’t expect him to be this passive; this dependant on his friends.

Minho, on the other hand, handed the joint to Changbin and started rolling up his sleeves. “Should I beat him up, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin smirked, but said nothing.

“You know he’s gonna take silence as a yes, right?”, Changbin smiled, expectant. He wanted to see a good fight.

All of a sudden, Hyunjin stood up. He came really close to Jisung – their faces were barely two inches apart. “Why are you not weak for me, like everyone else?”, he whispered.

“Is your ego really that big or is your self-esteem that low?”, Jisung whispered back.

Hyunjin just stared at Jisung, saying nothing. It was as if he was trying to find an answer in the other boy’s eyes. As if the dark brown will tell something to the light brown, as if the bathroom lights will shine just right on Jisung’s eyes that they will form some sort of an answer to the riddle.

But Jisung couldn’t stop thinking about the question he had – why was Hyunjin so desperate to be liked by everyone?

“Do you really not find him attractive?”, Changbin finally said, frustrated by the lack of action.

“Not really?”, Jisung said, unsure. “I don’t know, I think he’d be much more attractive if he didn’t know he was hot.”

“So you think he’s hot?”, Minho giggled.

Jisung rolled his eyes. “In all honesty, you’re the most attractive person in this room. After me, of course”, he winked. “But I don’t care for any of you. I just came to pee before class, but if you keep sensually staring at my eyes, I’ll be late for chemistry and I have a big test. Are you satisfied with my answer, or should I lie and tell you I’m in love with you so I can go?”

Hyunjin just turned around without a word. He stole the joint from Changbin’s hand and took a long drag. Jisung took that as a hint and left the bathroom.

And he didn’t even get to pee.

 

 

Jisung didn’t intend to tell anything to anyone about the bathroom thing, and by anyone he meant his one and only friend. Jeongin would’ve been either mad because Jisung had the chance to kiss Hyunjin and he didn’t have one and he never will or he would’ve been sad because Jisung didn’t take the chance of kissing Hyunjin when he could’ve. Either way, it would’ve been too much for him.

So Jisung kept his mouth shut.

He wasn’t the best at lying, so he just… Didn’t say anything. Whenever Jeongin mentioned Hyunjin, he just kept nodding and smiled. Jeongin was suspicious, but he didn’t say anything. 

He had hoped Jisung was finally becoming a supportive friend.

 

 

 

“Where the fuck did you get my number?”, Jisung whispered angrily. 

It was midnight. On a school night. And who’s interrupting his sleep? A drunk Minho. He was sure Hyunjin and Changbin were there somewhere, and that they were all collectively making fun of him. He hated popular kids. He hated how small they made him feel.

Not literally though – Changbin was shorter than him and Jisung, who is short for a teenage boy, thrived due to that fact. But he still felt awful around them.

He hated that he now had a correlation to them and that they knew about his existence. He preferred hating Hyunjin from a corner, aware that no one but Jeongin will never know about that.

“… Does it matter? We’re talking now”, Minho’s voice sounded sensual and, oh, how drunk. Jisung could hear whispers in the background and there were many more people than just Hyunjin and Changbin and he hated it. 

“Delete my number, never call me again, let me sleep and good luck with your hangover tomorrow”, Jisung hung up before Minho could say anything, but he got another call immediately. 

He put his phone on airplane mode and tried to fall asleep.

It took him two hours to fall into a slumber less peaceful than a hurricane season.

 

 

 

It took all Jisung had in himself to ignore the most popular boy at school. 

Hyunjin was everywhere. Everyone talked about him, everyone had his name written on their notebooks, everyone stared at him wherever he went so it was impossible not to notice him. He was friends with everyone, although he just stuck with his two friends.

“Why is he so annoying”, Jisung thought and rolled his eyes while turning around to take his books from the locker. Unlike the rest of the students, he didn’t have Hyunjin’s name written on the inside – he had photos of The Smiths, The Doors and the rest of his favourite groups. He wasn’t really satisfied with the design, but he would’ve felt lame if he hadn’t decorated it. At least he was different, right?

He was just about to lock his locker and leave for class, when he felt someone’s arm right next to his head. A knot formed in his stomach. “Hey”, he heard someone say.

Jisung’s eyes met Hyunjin’s as soon as he turned around and looked up. He hated that they felt familiar now, after he stared at them for a full minute a couple of days ago. “Yeah?”, he said, not nearly as harsh as he intended to.

“So, I hear you hung up on my best friend. What’s up with that?”

“I said I don’t want to be associated with any of you, so why was he drunk calling me at midnight? Maybe interrogate your best friend before a total stranger, huh?”

Hyunjin sighed. “Go on a date with me.”

WHAT?! “I’m… What?”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

“I absolutely won’t. Why would you want to go on a date with me? Aren’t you straight??” 

“Bisexual, baby”, the taller boy winked. “So… Yes or yes?”

“Did you really just say that… Did you think that’d work? No. I’m not going on a date with you.” Jisung couldn’t believe this was happening. Two days ago he couldn’t even imagine he’d be asked out by the boy he hates the most; the most popular boy at school, at that. He had to laugh.

“No isn’t an option. I’m picking you up at seven. I hope you like bikes, because if not, you’ll have to like mine”, he giggled and turned around before Jisung could protest.

 

 

“Hyung… I know I shouldn’t curse but what the fuck was that thing during recess?”

Jeongin stared at Jisung, mouth agape. 

Nothing. Something? A lot. Not much. Definitely something. Probably nothing. 

“What do you mean?”, Jisung said, a lot less confident than he wanted to be. At least he didn’t stutter.

He was too scared to look at Jeongin in the eyes, though. He just walked next to him on the way home, after a long day of people staring at him – some with hatred, most with confusion.

“Do you think I’m dumb, hyung? I saw Hyunjin and you “sharing a moment” or whatever. I just don’t understand why you hid it from me.”

“I didn’t hide anything from you! I still hate the guy!”, Jisung practically yelled. 

Jeongin sighed. “You really think I’m stupid.”

“I don’t! Do you want to hear me out or not?”

“Talk, then.”

And Jisung did. There wasn’t much to say, but Jeongin blew it way out of proportion. Jisung never even wanted the younger boy to know – he thought he’d get either jealous or that he’d start talking to Jisung about the “hottest boy at school”. 

He didn’t even want to look at the boy while speaking; he didn’t even let him interrupt. And as he finished, he saw the look in Jeongin’s eyes – his eyes sparkled, like they were expecting something.

“Listen here you little piece of shit”, Jisung giggled, half-serious, “just because this thingy happened doesn’t mean we can gossip about how cute Hyunjin is. I still hate him. The only person here with a crush on him is you. And I intend to keep it that way.”

Jeongin just giggled. 

And Jisung was scared to ask what it meant. “I am NOT going to develop a crush on him. For the third fucking time, I still hate him.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You are going on the date though?”

“Do I have a choice?”, the blond boy sighed. “I don’t even understand why me.”

“Oh, Jisung-hyung. For a straight A student, you’re really dumb.” Jeongin reached and petted the older boy’s head – but only for about half a second before Jisung attempted to punch him. “What do you mean, loser?”

“I mean – you’re the only person at this entire school that doesn’t like him. You’re a challenge. He likes challenges.”

“Well, I’m not going to cave in. I hate him and I always will.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that on your wedding day, mister Hwang Jisung”, Jeongin giggled while avoiding Jisung’s punches.

 

 

 

The sound of the doorbell made Jisung tremble. He was nervous. Stressed. Scared? All of the above?

Is it really Hyunjin? How will he present himself to Jisung’s parents? What will they think about the lip ring? Will they even let him go out with a boy that looks like he should’ve dropped out of school two years ago?

“JISUNG! YOUR FRIEND’S HERE!”, he heard his mom yell. 

He took a deep breath and tried to calm his heartbeat. Why was he this nervous? He hates the guy – he should be indifferent. A little annoyed.

“Hi”, he said, with a little tremble in his voice, when he saw Hyunjin standing at his front door. 

“Hey, Jisungie. Ready to go?”, he said, amusement clear in the way he spoke. He played around with his lip ring when he spoke. 

With a knot in his stomach, Jisung said bye to his mom and found himself standing on the street next to the boy he hated the most. 

And his fucking bike.

“Hop on”, he smirked.

“Hell no”, the blond boy said without missing a beat.

Hyunjin smirked. “You have no choice.”

“I didn’t even want to go on this stupid date”, Jisung spat out. “So no, I’m not getting on your fucking bike. If you don’t think of something else, I’m turning around and going to sleep.”

“Boooring”, Hyunjin sang in a flat voice while getting on his bike. “Get on. I might give you a kiss if you do”, he said while making a kissy face.

Jisung wanted to die. “Bold of you to assume I want a kiss from you.”

Silence. If they were in a movie, you’d be able to hear crickets in the background. Jisung took this time to look at Hyunjin, and the taller boy thought the same way. The tension was high – they kept staring at each other, not saying anything. Hyunjin’s eyes looked dangerous, especially combined with the lip ring and biker leather jacket. Jisung didn’t look like he didn’t belong next to him – he was also wearing a leather jacket, but under it he had a striped shirt and his face didn’t look rugged and his hair wasn’t messy. He looked like he had a date at 7 but church choir at 8. 

“I don’t understand you”, Hyunjin whispered, suddenly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. Jisung was ready to ask why, to say anything, but he stayed silent. Hyunjin continued, “you’re the only person I’ve encountered who hasn’t fallen for me. You don’t want to have anything to do with me. You liked it when I didn’t know you existed.”

Hyunjin’s eyes flew up and met Jisung’s. They didn’t look dangerous anymore; they were kind of empty. When you first look at them, you feel something – something nice, gentle. But when you try to look deeper, there’s nothing. 

The blond boy thought Hyunjin wanted him to explain, so he took a breath and started. “I don’t like you. I just don’t. There’s no quantum physics or whatnot, I just don’t have a crush on you. Is that so hard to believe? God, I’ve never encountered anyone so egocentric as you.”

Hyunjin scoffed.

“Honey, by the end of tonight”, he locked eyes with his, “you’ll love me just like everyone else”

“Bring it on, pretty boy.”

 

 

“Really?”, Jisung said, not believing his eyes. Hyunjin brought him to… a park. “You said you’d make me fall for you. I expected expensive restaurants or some shit, not a dirty bench in a freezing park.”

“Sweetie, contrary to popular belief, I am not rich. In money, I mean. But spiritually?” Hyunjin looked all serious, but then he wheezed. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe that either”, he said, not being able to stop laughing.

Jisung hated himself, but he smiled a little as well. Okay, so maybe Hyunjin is funny. He’s still annoying.

“So, what are we going to do here? Make out?”, Jisung said in a mocking voice.

Hyunjin smirked, “well, if you insist.”

The sigh that came out of Jisung’s mouth was so loud Hyunjin stepped back. “Okay, maybe not”, Hyunjin said. “I was kidding in the first place. Do you like astronomy?”

“Uhh… Kind of? Why?”

“Come on”, Hyunjin said, sitting down on the grass. Jisung looked up and noticed there are no trees above that particular place and the sky was filled with thousands of stars. He never knew which stars were parts of constellations, but he wanted to. All he knew was that the shiniest “star” in the sky was actually Venus. 

“Okay, whatever”, Jisung said and lay next to him, but just far enough so they’re not touching.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but Jisung didn’t see him.

“What is this, ‘two bros sitting in a hot tub five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay’? Come here”, he said and scooted over so that his head was on Jisung’s upper arm.

What the fuck? Jisung never would’ve guessed he’s a clingy person. Or is this just an act to get Jisung to fall for him?

He would never say it out loud but…

It might work.

 

 

“And that’s the Aries constellation!”

“Oh, do you like astrology?”, Jisung asked. He was comfortable with having Hyunjin so close to him by now and he liked the warmth. 

“Yeah. I was almost an aries! But I was born one day too early so I’m a pisces.”

“Oh, a little fishie”, Jisung giggled. Wait. No. He can’t giggle in front of the boy he hates.

But, Hyunjin giggled too. “Yes, a little fishie. What’s your zodiac sign?”

“Virgo.”

“Interesting”, Hyunjin said. “I don’t know where that constellation is, but Pisces is right there!”

Jisung tried to follow Hyunjin’s finger and figure out what he’s showing, but something inside him felt weird.

 

 

“I hope you had fun tonight”, Hyunjin said, lifting the helmet off Jisung’s head. His hair got tangled and it looked… adorable.

“I did”, Jisung smiled slightly. “I wasn’t expecting to, but I did.”

“I told you you’d fall in love with me.”

Jisung scoffed. “Don’t jump the gun just yet, Mr. Hwang. Me having fun tonight doesn’t mean I believe that you’re suddenly a nice person.”

“Believe what you want”, he said and leaned in. 

Jisung didn’t even realize what was going on when he felt Hyunjin’s soft lips on his cheek. “Good night”, the taller boy said.

“Good night”, Jisung whispered, watching Hyunjin leave on his bike.

 

 

God, Jisung hates Hyunjin. But for a really different reason now.

Is he really like that? Is he the shy, clingy boy that likes astronomy and can find all the constellations in the sky? Jisung didn’t even know you could find the zodiac constellations in the sky, and yet Hyunjin showed him the Aries, Gemini, Leo, Pisces… 

No, that can’t be.

Hyunjin lies and gets tattoos and piercings without telling anyone and he likes playing around with other people’s hearts and that’s what he’s doing to Jisung, too.

But why is Jisung falling for it?

 

 

“Jisung”, Jeongin said as soon as he saw his friend, not even saying hello. “We need to talk.”

“Yeah?”

“Hyunjin is saying you two made out, is that true?”

Jisung blinked. “No? He kissed my cheek but that’s it.”

“Well”, Jeongin said, “the rest of the school doesn’t know that. If you ask anyone, they think you made out with Hyunjin. They all want to fight you for stealing him.”

“What the – “

“Oh, hey babe”, Hyunjin came up to Jisung at that exact moment. “What’s up?”

Jisung felt his blood boil. “Don’t you ‘babe’ me. Why did you say that to everyone? We didn’t make out. I would never make out with you.”

“Never?” Hyunjin arched his eyebrow.

“Never.”

“Well, then. We’ll just have to wait and see, don’t you think? I’ll pick you up at eight.”

“No”, Jisung said.

Hyunjin smirked. “No?”

“I have a big test tomorrow. I have to study.”

“You’ll be done by eight, I believe in you. See you, sweetheart.”

Jisung was so close to punching him in the face, but he knew the other seven hundred students would’ve trampled him to death if he did.

 

 

7:45. 

Jisung was revising the last lesson while dressing up.

He hated Hyunjin. How is he supposed to concentrate, knowing that asshole is going to show up at his door in fifteen minutes and be all clingy with him, and then later he’ll go back to his asshole behaviour?

Which Hyunjin is the real one? Why does Jisung even care?

7:59. Fuck. Jisung still isn’t done revising. Fuck, fuck, fuck, what was that last paragraph? 

“Jisungie, your friend’s here!”

Ugh.

“So, Jisungie”, Hyunjin mocked when Jisung closed the door, “what do you want to do?”

“Don’t call me Jisungie.” 

Silence.

“Where’s your bike?”, Jisung looked around.

Hyunjin smiled. “Do you perhaps miss it?”

“No.”

“It’s at home. I’m taking you to do something I do quite often.”

Fuck no.

“Come on”, Hyunjin took Jisung’s hand and started walking. 

Jisung started walking, but he put both his hands in his pocket. He will not hold Hyunjin’s hand in public, nope. Not even if his life depended on it.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” Hyunjin asked mockingly.

“Well, actually, yeah. You know I hate you, what makes you think lying about us to the entire school will make me like you?”

Hyunjin sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m dumb”, he said, and Jisung was genuinely surprised. 

“You also should know that I don’t believe a word you say. I don’t know which Hyunjin is the real you and I’m not going to fall for either one.”

“Challenge accepted”, Hyunjin thought, but he said nothing. He just nodded his head and continued walking, making sure Jisung’s beside him every once in a while since they didn’t talk after that.

They reached that same park as the day before, but this time they weren’t alone. “What the fuck are your idiot friends doing here?”

“They brought the booze”, Hyunjin smirked. “Do you prefer vodka or tequila?”

Jisung quickly said a prayer and hoped with all his heart that his parents never find out about this.

And that he won’t make out with Hyunjin tonight.

 

 

Jisung was drunk. D-K-U-R-N. Or something like that.

And somehow he had the Teletubbies theme song stuck in his head and those were the only thoughts running through his head. 

Teletubbies, Teletubbies say heeeelloooooo……

“Jisungie?”, he heard Hyunjin’s voice, but somehow muffled. He looked at him, kind of unable to sharpen his vision. “You want a smoke?” 

He couldn’t even wrap his head around what was going on – he already had a lit joint in his hand. Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po… He dragged a smoke and started coughing immediately. But he tried again. 

“You’re ruining me”, Jisung whispered. He didn’t know where the thought suddenly came from and how he came to that conclusion after doing this once. He took two smokes of the joint, drank… well, a lot of alcohol, but it was a one time thing.

Suddenly, Hyunjin was sitting next to him. Was it just Jisung or did it suddenly become really hot?

Jisung wanted to scoot away, but everything in him yelled not to. Every single atom of his body wanted to stay near him.

When did that happen?

It must’ve been the alcohol.

That’s what Jisung kept telling himself as he felt Hyunjin’s hand fall onto his and his finger naturally started tracing little circles on his skin… Soft skin.

“Are you having a nice time?”, Hyunjin asked and he didn’t even stutter. Jisung wished his speech wasn’t slurred but he had a lot of trouble making words come out. 

“Yeah… I mean, no… I don’t know. Fuck you Hwang Hyunjin! Fuck you!”

Hyunjin giggled, still holding Jisung’s hand – the blond boy didn’t release the grip at all, although he cursed at him with all his might. “I’ll take that as a yes”, he said softly. 

“I’ll yell at you later”, Jisung said and rested his head on Hyunjin’s shoulder.

Rested? Passed out. 

He looked absolutely awful – his hair was a mess, he had saliva around his mouth, he reeked of alcohol…

So why did Hyunjin’s heart kind of flutter?

 

 

 

“MORNING SLEEPYHEAD!”

Jisung’s head was POUNDING. He pulled the covers over his head and hoped that would make it better. But his mom didn’t think so.

“So, you went drinking last night, huh?”

Jisung wanted to reply, he really did, but he figured he’d rather stay under the blankets.

“Listen, I don’t know anything about this Hyunjin boy, but I don’t think you should hang out with him that much… He’s a bad influence. I saw that lip ring. And tattoo.”

“Mom”, the boy tried speaking, but his voice was raspy from last night. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I won’t let him influence me. I got drunk last night, but it won’t happen again. I promise you.”

“Okay, sweetie. I believe in you. I just hope you’ll be able to take your big test after last night.”

Jisung used all of his strength not to scream “FUCK” with all his might.

 

 

Hyunjin asked him out again. 

It was in Math class, first period of the day day, while Jisung was trying to catch up with their too-quick teacher solving tasks. Hyunjin slipped him a little note which said, “go out with me again”. 

His handwriting looked messy, but it seemed like it’d be pretty if he put a little effort into it. 

Jisung sighed. He wrote down, “you’ve been wanting to hang out with me an awful lot for someone who knows i hate them”.

i want you to stop hating me

why?

Jisung never got a reply – the bell rang and Hyunjin left the class among the first few students – mostly because he didn’t have to pack because he never even unpacked.

 

 

 

Hyunjin hasn’t even tried talking to Jisung that entire day. 

And Jisung felt bad, although he didn’t know what he did wrong. He just asked a simple question.

Three little letters. And it… hurt Hyunjin?

Maybe he just didn’t know how to reply. Maybe he’ll still show up in the evening to take him somewhere on his bike. 

But hey, at least Jisung’s test went okay.

 

 

Hyunjin didn’t show up in the evening. And it was Friday. 

That means Jisung won’t see him in three days and for some reason, the realization stung his little heart. 

 

 

Jeongin came over to watch stupid Netflix movies with Jisung and the blond boy couldn’t be more thankful for it.

He loves Jeongin – his cute little best friend who smiled a lot and supported everyone around him. His only flaw was the hopeless crush on Hyunjin, but Jisung got used to that by now. Everyone had a crush on the school bad boy. 

Even Jisung?

No. Jisung still hates Hyunjin. 

“Are you okay, Jisungie-hyung? You seem stressed. And it’s Saturday.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”, Jeongin asked again, knowing that he’d have to let it go if Jisung says he’s 100% sure he’s okay.

“Yeah… No. I don’t know. It’s just… Hyunjin, you know?”

Jeongin’s eyes sparkled. “You too?”

“No, not me too!” Jisung hit the younger boy on the hand. 

“Are you sure? You spent two days hanging out. I heard he even got you drunk”, Jeongin giggled.

The blond boy rolled his eyes. “The sad part is that he actually did get me drunk. And I enjoyed spending time with him. But now I asked him why he wants to spend time with me considering I hate him and he said he wants me to stop hating him. I asked him why.”

“And?? What did he say?”

“Nothing. He never replied and we haven’t talked since then.”

Jeongin giggled. “Maybe he has a crush on you.”

“And maybe I’ll fucking punch you in the neck. He doesn’t have a crush on me.”

“But maybe he does.”

“And maybe he just has a pathological need to be liked. Let it go.”

“But mayb-“

“Let’s just watch this stupid fucking movie and let it go.”

Jisung hated how he felt something when Jeongin said that. It’s impossible that Hyunjin has a crush on him out of all the people – he’s sure the handsome boy just needs to be liked and can’t stand having someone hate him.

But Jisung won’t give in. He’ll hate him forever.

Although he’s losing reasons to do so.

 

 

Jisung showed up at school on Monday feeling anxious. But not because of tests or oral exams – he didn’t even have those that day. He didn’t know what will happen with Hyunjin – will they talk; if they do, how will Jisung behave; will Hyunjin asked him out again; will they never talk again….

He pulled the sleeves of his yellow sweater over his hands so he could make fists with no one knowing. He wanted everything to be resolved.

He wished he’d never walked into the bathroom that day.

 

 

A slam of a hand next to his head. Déjà vu.

He turned around and saw a familiar face.

“Did you miss me?”, Hyunjin smiled, his teeth grazing the lip ring. His hair was styled upwards – he hasn’t done that in a while. It looked good.

“N-no”, Jisung said. 

“So I said no, you know, like a liar?”, Hyunjin smirked.

Jisung’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell me you watch John Mulaney.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. You’ll find out if you go out with me again.”

“Why do you like going out during school nights? Why didn’t you ask me out this weekend?”

Another smirk. “You wanted to go out with me this weekend?”

“No”, Jisung said. Like a liar?

“Sweetie, you should’ve just texted me. Anyway, see you tonight”, Hyunjin winked and turned around.

And for some reason, Jisung’s heart felt at peace for the first time in days.

 

 

Hyunjin showed up around 7pm and Jisung was shocked when he caught himself waiting for him. He didn’t think he’d ever be excited to see Hwang Hyunjin. 

“Hey”, Jisung tried saying casually. He hated himself for caring about the impression he left on him.

“Hey, Jisungie”, Hyunjin smiled. “Let’s go”, he said and grabbed Jisung’s hand.

It was a little gesture with probably no meaning, but it happened so spontaneously and naturally that Jisung felt his heart flutter. How did they become so close in the span of a week that Hyunjin could just naturally hold Jisung’s hand, and Jisung would let him?

“You didn’t come on your bike”, Jisung noticed. 

“Yeah, you seem to hate it and I don’t want to torture you anymore.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve been thinking this weekend”, he said and didn’t continue talking. They walked in silence, but it was far from comfortable. Jisung was on the edge, waiting for Hyunjin to unveil what he was thinking about, and Hyunjin’s mind was running eight thousand miles per hour, trying to find a way to form sentences from the shambles of his thoughts.

“Yes?”, Jisung finally said, not being able to wait anymore.

“I- Okay. Wait. My mind is a mess and I don’t want our… relationship to be a mess. Give me a second.”

Jisung nodded and thought about the way Hyunjin said “our relationship”. He knew what he meant, but… 

‘Oh, shut up, Jisung! Since when do you want to date Hyunjin? It’s been a week and suddenly you don’t hate him anymore? He got you drunk!’, Jisung’s mind yelled at him, but the other side counter-attacked: ‘YOU got drunk. You didn’t have to. And Hyunjin’s really sweet and nice – not at all how he acts’. ‘You don’t know that’, the first side yelled back. Jisung didn’t know what to think.

“Okay. I- I wanted to make you like me because I couldn’t stand anyone hating me. I’m a very flawed person and that’s not a secret, but for some reason I’ve been blessed with good looks and due to that, I got used to people liking me. I started showing everyone this… This bad boy ‘aesthetic’ or whatever, but I’m not like that. Or maybe I am? I’d like to believe I’m not, but this act kind of started becoming a part of my life; it started pouring into the cracks of my personality. I got a tattoo, I got a lip ring, all that because I really felt like life had no meaning and I just… Didn’t care anymore. But I guess I still cared about people liking me? I don’t know. I’m sorry for rambling.”

“It’s okay”, Jisung assured him with a soft voice while tracing little circles with his thumb.

“I’m sorry for being… assertive. Yeah, that’s the word, right? I attacked you out of nowhere and made you go out with me…”

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but… Why did you ask me out? You could’ve just asked me to hang out and not call it a date.”

“Wait, I’m getting to it. After hanging out with you for a couple of days now and getting to know you, I’ve realized… I like spending time with you. I… I like you.”

“Wait, what?”, Jisung stopped walking. His heart stopped for a second. “You like me?”

“Yeah. I missed you a lot this weekend and I didn’t understand why until I realized I like you. I enjoy sitting near you and holding your hand and showing you constellations and just… Being near you. And I understand that you hate me and that you most probably don’t want to date me or even be my friend, but I just… Wanted you to know. I enjoy your company and you make me somehow… Happier? I’m sorry for talking to you as a way to challenge myself and make someone who hates me like me and that way I made you tolerate my shitty behaviour and I guess I’ll never be able to make it up to you… I’m sorry. But I really like you.”

Jisung was at a loss for words. He was stunned, he couldn’t comprehend what was going on. ‘But I really like you’ kept going through his head. He likes him. And to think Jisung spent the last couple of days thinking he shouldn’t like Hyunjin because he hates him and he’s a bad boy who just likes attention and he’s using Jisung to bully him or something.

“Are you sure you’re not bullying me?”, Jisung whispered. “Because that wouldn’t surprise me. Why would anyone like me, especially you?” His voice was smaller than ever and Hyunjin felt his heart tearing apart.

“Jisungie… No. I would never do that to you. I understand why you can’t take my word for it, but please… Please believe me. If not me, you can call Minho or Changbin – although I recommend Changbin because he has like three more braincells than Minho. They know I’ve been rambling about you for days now. That’s why they wanted to come with us last week – they wanted to see who that boy I can’t stop talking about is.”

Jisung looked up and his eyes met Hyunjin’s. The taller boy had sincerity in his eyes – it was like he was trying to convince Jisung with his gaze that he’s telling the truth, that he wants him in his life.

“I… I like you too”, Jisung mumbled.

“What???” Hyunjin couldn’t believe his ears. “You do??? I… I must say I wasn’t expecting that. I hoped, yeah, but… You hated me a week ago!”

Jisung laughed. “Trust me, it was a shock for me, too. I kept screaming at myself not to give in – I was sure I’d hate you forever. But I wasn’t expecting you’d actually be sweet, although I wasn’t sure if it was an act or you’re really like that. But even if I disregarded that, I still liked you. For some really dumb reason.”

“I can’t believe it took you only a week to fall for me.”

“Is this the moment when you yell SIKE and tell me you don’t actually like me? You just wanted me to like you so now you can go back to your life with everyone adoring you with no problems?”

“No!! Listen. I like you. And I’ll never make you get drunk with me or smoke weed again. I just want to spend time with you, normally. And you don’t have to date me. I’m not going to make you rush into a relationship with me if you’re not sure you want that. You can casually hang out with me. And I can casually hold your hand and maybe kiss you here and there. Is that okay?”

“Perfect.”

And as both boys smiled, Hyunjin started leaning in and midway he whispered, “would me kissing you now be okay?”

Instead of replying, Jisung closed the gap and felt Hyunjin’s lips on his.

Heavenly. The only way he’d describe it was heavenly.

 

 

“YOU DID WHAT NOW?”, Jeongin yelled when Jisung told him about what happened.

“Yeah”, Jisung covered his face with his hands. 

Jeongin smiled. “I told you you’d fall for him.”

“I will literally fight you”, Jisung mumbled from underneath his hands. “I haven’t fallen… Completely.”

“Hey babe”, Hyunjin said, sitting down next to Jisung and putting his arm around him. “What’s up? I heard yelling.”

Jisung still hasn’t uncovered his face. “I wanna die”, he said. 

“Not yet, I still have to bully you”, Jeongin giggled. He was awfully brave for someone head over heels for Hyunjin. Jisung thought he would’ve been under the table by now. Later he found out Jeongin already found himself a new crush – some senior called Chan. He had nothing in common with Hyunjin, not even the country they were born in – maybe that’s what Jeongin was looking for to get over Hyunjin.

“Come on, we have Chemistry now”, Hyunjin said, taking Jisung’s hand as he was getting up.

“Don’t you always have chemistry?”, Changbin rolled his eyes.

Minho giggled. “Someone’s jealous, I see.”

Jisung couldn’t believe the people he hated were now here, joking with him, and the person he hated the absolute most held his hand now, telling him he missed him.

 

 

A couple of months later, Hyunjin still liked getting wasted in parks and smoking weed. Jisung didn’t expect he’d change that about him. But he did his best not to let Hyunjin influence him. 

He did start getting fond of the bike, though. Apparently, it has a name, but the boys ganged up and won’t tell Jisung what it is.

Both boys were the happiest they’ve been in the last couple of months – Hyunjin realized he doesn’t need everyone to like him, but just one important person. Everyone comes and goes, but there will only be one person who will tolerate your behaviour and stay with you; try to fix your flaws and tell you what you did wrong when you fuck up. And he fully believed that Jisung was just that. His other half. 

And Jisung realized you shouldn’t hate with no reason. Although he did have a reason to hate Hyunjin, it was invalid because he didn’t know the other aspects of Hyunjin’s personality. He found out everyone has good sides and everyone can work on their personality – Hyunjin still liked getting wasted in parks, yes, but more often he just wanted to cuddle up to Jisung and listen to Billie Eilish (although if someone asks, his music taste is mostly rock’n’roll!).

Whenever Hyunjin tells Jisung he missed him, Jisung’s insides light up and it feels like he could fly. And whenever Jisung cuddles up to Hyunjin and nuzzles his head in the crook of his neck, Hyunjin feels little explosions in his heart. 

They couldn’t believe something so pure, something that felt so good could come out of a big hatred and a need to be liked. The definition of toxic became the definition of true love, the definition of softness.

And they wouldn’t trade it for the world, and Jisung would walk into that toilet every second of the day if he had to relive that day again.


End file.
